Experiences over Things

A blog post I was working on before Jack was born:

In five weeks I will quit my job and make the transition to being the mother of a baby. In one way or another I have been making and earning my own money since I was fifteen. And up until a couple of months ago I have always made more money than my husband as well. But in seven weeks I will see my last paycheck. And to be quite honest I've been having a very hard time with that idea.

I know that in a marriage money is not 'mine' but rather 'ours.' Money in a marriage is just another way to show equal partnership and mutual respect. I know many couples in which when they get married they close their personal accounts and open up a single joint account. Because I wanted to very much remain independent concerning financial matters my husband and I did not do this. He still has his account and I still have mine. Don't misunderstand and think that we don't share our money. Quite the opposite. We (I) keep a close watch on our accounts and we pay bills from them according to who has enough in their account to cover a particular thing.

But in seven weeks, I won't be getting paid anymore-yet I will still have my own bills. Together they aren't more than $100 a month and yet I still am struggling with the idea of allowing my husband to pay for them. And in six months my student loans will start to need paid, but again I don't want my husband to worry about paying for them.

So what choice do I have? Many think I should go back to work after the baby is a month or two old. I could but daycare costs here are so astronomical that I would be working in order to pay for daycare. Another thing to consider is all the time I would lose with my little guy. I know that there will be times when he is driving me crazy and I'll be desperate for a helper or a babysitter but there will also be times in which I will not be able to imagine doing anything else. And that's what I mean by experiences over things. I could go back to work, I could even find a full time position fairly easily but at what cost? Sure me working full time would mean that Kasen wouldn't have to work at all during his last semester. But it would also mean daycare costs, higher rent payments, and more exhaustion on my part when I am home.

In a few months we will both be done with college. And hopefully Kasen will have a job lined up as a result of the internship he is in right now. It is not a guarantee of course but we feel confident that Heavenly Father will steer us in the direction he needs us to be. And when he does get the job, I have yet another decision to make. Do I go to work then? Do I continue with my plans for nursing school? Or do I put school and work on hold for a while to raise my babies in the manner that they deserve?

Last night I was speaking with a friend of mine. And in her family her mother is a pharmacist and her dad a respiratory therapist. Her mother could have chosen to work full time as a pharmacist and her dad not work at all and they would have been able to make more money. However, they chose experiences over things. Her mother works as a pharmacist part time and her father works full time. What is so wonderful about this is that her mother was able to be home with her children when it mattered most. That is not to say that there weren't days in which their father was the primary care giver or that they always had a parent at home when the children got home from school. But it does mean that their family made a conscious effort to be able to spend as much quality time as was possible together. Again, experiences over things.

My friend and her family are solidly middle class. Growing up they did not ever want for anything but the parents worked really hard to not spoil their children either. (As evidenced as the entire conversation with my friend tool place over her washing my dishes.) However, her family has worked really hard to give the children experiences. And in the end experiences are what matter. We are sent here to learn all that we can about all that there is. After we can't take things with us but we can take our experiences.