Opening Windows

As many of you know I am a planner. And I like it when things go the way I planned. For example I planned to get married when I was thirty and not have children until I was 35. Instead Heavenly Father sent Kasen a little earlier than I had planned on. So I got married at 22.

But I still had a five year baby plan. I wanted to make sure that we were both done with undergrad. And masters programs. With stable jobs and a sense of where to go next. Heavenly Father told us we should have a baby. So we are. In December. I  have a birthday in December and have always despised it.

Over the last  year I have dreamed a couple times that our baby would be a girl. So I planned for a girl. I pinned all sorts of nursery and baby shower ideas on Pinterest. To be fair, I made a boy board. It has ten pins. The girl board has at least twenty. I looked up hair accessories and bought the cutest onesies. Again to be fair I bought a boy onesie. Heavenly Father is sending us a boy first. What am I supposed to do with a little boy? And I know without doubt that I am meant to have a girl. But how long will it take to get her? What if she is child number 32??? AHHH!!!

At one point in my college career I had decided I wanted to get a minor in Addictions. I figured that either way I went: Social Work or Nursing, it would be beneficial. But it just wouldn't fit into my schedule. Until now. My last semester they are offering four of the seven classes I need to add the minor. And they are offering the other three in the Spring. The problem is that I already have a full schedule for fall. So I would not only have to rearrange my entire fall schedule, but I would have to postpone graduation. Again. With a new baby. And the more I thought and thought the more I realized it wouldn't be fair to the baby if I were in school next semester. Thanks a lot Heavenly Father. I had a plan. You intervened. Again.

Obviously, I have a Type A personality. And I obviously like to plan. Heavenly Father obviously likes to mess up my plans. In fact I bet he's laughing at me right now. My dad has laughed at me my entire life because of how I plan and like things to be in a certain order and done in a certain way. Following the rules. Apparently Heavenly Father has a different set of rules than I do. And that's what I've come to realize.

A few months ago (and just last week in church) I shared a post on Facebook that talked about all the things I feel I am supposed to do in life. Like school and work and babies and family history and church callings and visiting teaching and going to the temple and reading scriptures and praying and dishes and laundry and housekeeping and exercise and journal writing and homework and advanced education and family home evening and developing talents and institute and crafting and cooking and.... That's a lot of 'and.' I'm probably even missing a few. And it's easy for a Type A-planner-who wants to please everyone to get overwhelmed by all of those. When I posted the status, I heard someone in church say there is a time for everything. At the time I just brushed it off. I was irritated that they would say such a thing. I know that. But I also felt so inadequate by not being able to do them all. And telling me I would get an opportunity for these things later just made me mad.

However, I'm going to have a baby. And while that may put nursing school and addictions minors and working out of the question for a little bit, it opens a few windows. Being a stay at home mommy (something the Lord has been impressing on my mind lately) at least for a little while means that I have time to do other things. Like crafting and scrapbooking for myself instead of just others. Or maybe I can blog. Or go on stroller walks (even though I look ridiculous pushing strollers since not only am I short but I look young for my age). I can try new recipes. I can pick up some more of the household chores and cooking. Kasen does most of those since I am always worn out from taking as many credits and working as much as possible (and then some). I can finish the Book of Mormon (I know, I'm a terrible example to others, I'm sorry). I can actually attend all of my institute classes instead of feeling overwhelmed with homework. I can have time to take a bath instead of just a shower.

The season I am about to exit is school. And the season I am about to enter in Mommy. Neither will happen the way I thought they would. Just because I graduate with a degree now does not mean that I can't or won't go back to school in a year or two. And even if I don't there are many other types of learning for me to do. Like learning more about the gospel. Or more about cooking. And definitely more about crafting. And babies. And learning that Heavenly Father is doing me a favor by giving me a new season. With new opportunities. And while I am sure that I will still be tired and exhausted from a newborn just as I am from work and school, I can at least use nap time to do some of the above mentioned activities. Even if those activities include naps for momma, too.

The following picture is one of my favorites of babies and mommies. Somehow I don't think I'll look this peaceful after having a baby...we'll see, though...maybe when it's sleeping. Hopefully it sleeps a lot.

Borrowed from here with no copyright infringement intended.