I just want a stable relationship! Okay?

There are two places in Moscow in which you can visit an OB doctor. Two. After much debate and thought I went with the one that most of my friends had chosen when they were pregnant. That was seven months ago, and today, I just finished seeing every doctor at least once. You see, that's the policy at MPOB. You are required to see every doctor at least once before asking to see one exclusively. They do this because whenever you go into labor, you get whomever is on call that day. Okay, fair enough. I completely understand the value of visiting with every OB in an office so that when delivery time comes you aren't met with a stranger. But at the same time I don't feel like meeting a doctor once or twice or even three times qualifies us to not be strangers anymore...

Maybe I've just had a bad day today, maybe I'm just tired of being pregnant or maybe I just decided I don't like this system. I have seen FIVE doctors within the last five months. At first I thought this was a great idea because then it meant that I got to meet every doctor in the practice and then once I did, then I could pick which one or two I preferred to see after that. Not so much.

Today after my literally two minute appointment with the doctor, I went out to schedule my next appointment with the receptionist. She looked at me like I was crazy when I asked if I could pick which doctor I preferred to see. But she went ahead and looked up his schedule anyways-which I appreciated. However, he was only available in Pullman for the week that I need to go in next and unfortunately since Kasen and I both have ridiculously hectic schedules, driving to Pullman on Wednesday's just isn't an option for us.

You would think that since my first choice doctor wasn't available for me then I would be asked who my second choice was. Not so. You see the doctor's schedule changes every week. Not only are they not scheduled on a set day, but they are also not scheduled at a set location- Moscow or Pullman. If that were the case then I would just pick my first choice doctor and say he was available in Moscow or even Pullman every other Tuesday. Done. I would make it work. But he isn't. Every time I go to make another appointment I have no idea what doctor I'm going to get, because the schedule rotates.

Now it might seem like this might not matter. And in the end, I'm sure it doesn't. By the time I go into labor I'll probably take whatever doctor I can get- or a nurse since they know how to deliver babies as well and doctor's don't always make it on time.

However, who I see in the mean time does matter to me. I really, really liked the last doctor we met with. And so did Kasen. And even though that doctor also only spent a couple minutes with us, we both walked out of the appointment room understanding what we needed to do for the FIRST time in SEVEN months.  This doctor was direct and straight to the point. He didn't talk softly or try to appease us. He just told it like it was. And anyone who really knows me knows that I don't like fluffy information. I like cut and dry information. Black and white. Good to go.

I don't know a solution to my problem. I still have 11 weeks (give or take) before little Johnny decides he is bored with my uterus and needs a more interesting environment. Hopefully I get to see my first choice doctor or at least my second choice doctor the rest of the time, because you can bet that I will ask to see my first choice after every subsequent appointment. What I do know is that I feel as though the information told to me so far, a family practitioner could have done. And then I could have seen an OB doctor or doctors even as I got closer to my due date.

I just went into my appointment angry that I had to be there today, angry that I was rescheduled from last week and angry that I had to see yet another new doctor. It didn't help that the nurse asked me the gender of my baby twice. Within 20 seconds. I'm also irritated that during my last appointment I was told I needed to think about a pediatrician and then this time I was told again. Well guess what new doctor, maybe you and the doctor before could brief each other (or at least write it in my chart) and instead of telling me to think about a pediatrician, ask if I have given it any more thought. Which I had. And the one I chose? Its a block from our new apartment.

Don't worry friends. I still want to go to nursing school. And nurse practitioner school. I still believe in our health care system. But I just hope that I can recommend an OB (or office) that my patients can see time and again during their pregnancy. That way they will feel more comfortable during their appointments. More appreciated and less hurried.

and sometimes its Thursday....

Sometimes when you are pregnant you have stomach cramps. And sometimes when you have stomach cramps they don't go away- in fact they last all day. And since its your first pregnancy you get really worried. Especially when your baby is active in there but not really and you read blogs that say you should be feeling him all the time. And sometimes you don't know your own mother to call and ask questions and you were born at around 32 weeks. And are currently starting your 28th week so you're not sure what's going on. All you know is that you 've had constant cramping throughout the day and its uncomfortable to walk. And sit.

So you leave work five hours early and call your doctor's office. And they ask do you have spotting? Or bleeding? Or leaking of any fluid of any kind? No. We'll call you back. And then they do and they tell you that they want you to go into the hospital for a stress test just to make sure everything is okay.

So you go in, they hook you up to be monitored, and the nurse says that it should only be 20 minutes or so. An hour goes by and there is no change and so they have you leave a urine sample. An hour later the urine sample determines that you are dehydrated. And that you need to drink two liters of water or you can have it by IV. You think you could just drink water at home. But that would be leaving against medical advice. So you stay in the hospital and drink your four bottles of water and feel like a big ol lame-o because you spend four hours in the hospital because you managed to not drink enough water and since you are dehydrated your uterus is contracting and causing cramping.

And then the nurse tells you that stress causes people to not drink water. And you don't think you're stressed out until you start crying. And you only cry when you are super stressed. Then you think about why you are stressed. It's because you're missing work, your husband is missing work, you have to go sign paperwork beacuse you finally got into your apartment, you are drowning in readings for your classes that you hate, you're more than a little tired all the time, you've been living with friends for almost three months, you're having a baby and can't decide on natural or drugs, you're having a baby and don't feel adequately prepared, you desperately need two cars, and your IBS is making it impossible to eat like a normal person.

The bad news is that you have to drink more water. Which means you have to go to the bathroom more. And you hate using the bathroom. You already feel like its a waste of time.

The good news is that this doesn't happen all the time.

Just sometimes.

And all on the same day.

The other good news is that you are okay. And the baby is okay.

And you have a place to live now.

And that makes its a good day.

BUMP!

I've been waiting for this moment.

Hoping. 

Wishing. 

Beginning to doubt it would ever come. 

No one knew I was pregnant.

I just looked fatter than normal. 

Which made me self-conscious.

Just a week ago I was told "Oh I couldn't even tell."

Thanks? 

Actually I took it really personally. 

And was sad.

But now it's here. 

And I'm super self-conscious about it. 

And I feel like people are judging me. 

And thinking I got into some sort of 'trouble.'

Or that I'm only married because we're having a baby.

Maybe it will go away. 

Doubt it. 

Actually it will probably keep growing.

I'm not going to be able to sit in desk seats with the desk down for much longer. 

Good thing there is only 14 weeks of school left. 

And 13 weeks before he's scheduled to arrive. 

At least we have a carseat now. 

27 weeks: Our baby is the size of a head of cauliflower.

93 days and counting...

The little guy above is making his appearance in roughly 93 days. 93 DAYS! 3 months and 2 days. That may seem like a lot but let me put it into perspective for you. We have onesies, pajamas, one blanket, three burp rags, 2 sample diapers from our doctor, a boppy pillow a carseat cover and a stroller.  You can't even take a baby home from the hospital without a carseat and we don't have one. I don't have a breast pump, a take home outfit, hand mittens so he doesn't scratch his face, or a bed for him to sleep in. AH!

93 days might be a normal amount of time if I didn't also have a 19 credit semester and a 20 hour work week. 93 days might not be so close if I didn't have to go without Kasen three nights a week due to his Argonaut responsibilities. It might not seem so close if I didn't feel like crap everyday because the foods I eat don't seem to agree with my system- Thank you combined IBS and pregnancy. It might also not seem so close if we had an apartment of our own. And it certaintly wouldn't seem so close if we lived closer to home or weren't having a baby six hours away from home and will have to struggle through the first couple days alone -during finals- until Kasen's mom arrives. From Japan. And then we have to make the trek home in what will most likely be snowy and/or icy and/or otherwise terrible road conditions.

Perhaps most of all 93 days wouldn't seem so close if we had a clue as to what we were doing. I'm the oldest of three. But aside from being 12 when my sister was born I don't have much experience with babies. Kasen is the youngest. And I'm pretty sure babies scare him a little. I'll be honest. They scare me too. They cry. And poop. And sleep. And eat. And they are little. Too little. So little that you have to hold their heads. And them. ALL THE TIME.

Have you read new mommy blogs? Most are brutally honest and tell you that you are going to hate life. A lot. They say birth is not fun. And I'm gonna try it without an epidural? And guess what I read about yesterday? The pain doesn't end with the birth of the baby or the placenta delivery. It keeps going. For days. They also tell you about the after affects of not having a menstrual cycle for months and how your bathroom trash might look like something from a bloody gory horror movie. And breastfeeding? It's recommended by every reputable source on the planet - plus it saves money. But wait. It hurts. They say it hurts a lot. And it might not seem like there is any progress being made. But don't worry. If you make it past the first couple weeks you can do anything. Until you get to the six week stage-in which the whole routine you established with your newborn is ruined and sent down the drain. And don't worry- the six week mark is when we will be headed back to Moscow so Kasen can finish his last semester. And I can stay home with a baby. Alone and terrified of any number of catastrophes that can happen.

We haven't even taken a birthing class yet.

(Disclaimer: I know that we will have help and that things won't be as bad as they seem but I get to be terrified anyways. It's my new job. Or so they say.)